How often do you look outside of yourself and then imagine yourself in that place where you look? It takes some presence of mind to be in a place other than where you are. Is that too cryptic?
I was travelling down the 400 highway this past week and noted, as we sat in traffic, there were cars speeding along on the far left side. I watched and then realized that it was the HOV lane. Mostly empty, the odd car sped along, while we sat or moved along slowly. I envisioned myself speeding along that lane. Then I realized in order to do so I would need another person in the car. It caused me to ponder then, how often do I drive with someone else in the car?
There was another time I had someone in the car with me and as we sat in the same traffic flow, I needed to be prompted to take the HOV lane, because it was so foreign to me, I did not know to use it.
What does HOV stand for? Do you know? High Occupancy Vehicle. Saying that, when you travel with more than one person you have privilege. What does it say about us that this lane is so rarely used? What does it mean that it is abandoned, or vacant, while hundreds of single drivers pollute the air sitting alongside this empty lane? Would it not make sense to just let everyone use it and that would mean we would move quicker? I truly do not know.
As I looked outside of myself and imagined myself speeding along this HOV lane I wondered, who would I have with me? Who are the companions in my life that walk with me? This created more pondering and wondering. I truly have a very small circle of people in my life. I realize that. I have chosen to walk alone, and it started years ago when my ego was so fragile, and I was hiding parts of myself from others. My companions were poor life choices, anger and self-pity. As I looked at the HOV lane I wondered is my life a “high occupancy vehicle” or am I just one more on a journey of loneliness too afraid to trust or to be vulnerable enough to take someone else along on the journey? Am I too afraid of being judged and laughed at? Am I doing things people should judge and ridicule?
Today, I feel free of judgment because I live with integrity and the companion that travels well in my HOV lane is my own soul. I live as though I am in a fishbowl, and all are looking at me. Mostly I live remembering I am being watched by my own spirit. Like a child learning and mimicking, I live as a good example for my own heart. This brings me such peace that even when I sit in the lanes that are slow to move, while no one else can see, I never am alone.
In the United Church creed, it starts out, “We are not alone, we live in God’s world.” What exactly does that mean? It means we live in companionship with that which created the stars in the sky, the sun and the moon. The trees that now are bare of leaves and the ones that remain covered all winter. We have been created and live in partnership with the snail that slowly crosses the path, the seagulls that hang on the wind, the fish that with the slightest swish of the tail move silently through the water. We live in companionship with evolution and are constantly changing. While sitting in traffic on the 400 alone in a car, we are never alone if we do not want to be. We reflect that which is pure, good and holy. When we remember that, we can hop into the HOV lane of our lives and fly with great speed.
May you never feel alone.
May you know you can fly when you choose.
May you look outside of yourself and then imagine yourself in that place where you look.
Cynthia Breadner is a teacher, author, grief specialist and bereavement counsellor; a soul care worker and offers specialized care in spiritually integrated therapies. She works as a LTC chaplain assisting with end-of-life care for client and family. She is the mother part of the #DanCynAdventures duo and practices fitness, health and wellness. She is available remotely by safe and secure video connections, if you have any questions contact her by email today!