Sept. 11, 2020, is an anniversary of traumatic events that happened right before our eyes while the world watched. Although, the first plane hit the twin towers unexpectedly, the world was then witness through modern technology of the second plane in real time and had a bird’s eye view of its strike, and so on. The world watched as trauma, disbelief, sadness, and shock happened right before our eyes. I know where I was, and I am sure you know where you were too. It was a moment in our lifetime when we stopped and took notice. A day when a moment in time was forever etched in our memory and never to be forgotten footage was placed on the reel of our inner projector. Much like assassination of President Kennedy, the day Lady Diana died, Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster and so on.
Trauma imprints. The shock of trauma forever changes our lives and it often stays with us until the day of our death. It can be unprocessed and a fault in the very core rock formation of our being. Like tectonic plates pressing together waiting to shift, lift or grind. These events, in particular, are scribed to our book of life alongside every other person we encounter. There is not one person who when asked “what is 9/11?” does not have some form of descriptor. It is the “day the world stopped turning” as Alan Jackson put it in his country song written for that day.
Trauma in our lives forever changes the very landscape of all it touches. With events like 9/11 and the fall of the world trade centre, trauma changes the world and a whole population. Trauma changes families, and often it only changes you. The common denominator is it creates change and a rift that is there forever, and life is lived differently from that moment. We cannot unknow trauma; we cannot unsee what we have seen.
As I think back to 9/11 and remember where I was and how I felt, I remember days following to be filled with headlines, stories and details surfacing. As the epicenter rippled out the effects and the shock there was debris, fallout and grief. As we were in it, the news reports were constant verbiage and reporting for days and months to follow. It seemed endless. Stories of loss, death and destruction. “What do we do now?” was written all over every face!
It was the same with New Orleans and the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in 2005. This natural disaster produced the same trauma and feelings of shock and fear. Katrina wreaked havoc with a population of people, where ground zero in New Orleans and parts of Florida, encompassed the weak of society, the downtrodden and the poor who have never fully recovered to this day 15 years later. Today as I write this there are wildfires roaring through parts of California searing the very land to nothing but ashes. Trauma by fire, wind, rain and worst of it at the hand of humankind.
As we re-member and pull back together the events of the past, and while we witness what is happening before our eyes today, we collect up memories and work at processing them in our own world. We are the very centre of our own universe and, like it or not, as narcissistic as it seems, we cannot look at life except through our own eyes and we must assess first our own basic needs, our own challenges, and then we can process what this has done to others. If we get stuck in our own trauma and fail to re-member, or gather together, in the trauma as it affects others, we are jammed in a place that has little sympathy or empathy. It is through sharing our trauma and being with others in their trauma that we grow spiritually and are able to make sense of life’s changes. The old saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” is the very essence of taking the sour, squeezing out the learning and then sweetening it with nectar and sharing a glass with others. While any community or worldly events fade behind us with time, and we might recollect them in any given day, there are a scattered group of people who are plagued and tortured by the events every day. For the most part for many of us memories get stored away only to be brought out and dusted off by choice.
The 2020 COVID pandemic will be the same. As we move forward and process the grief of our own lives around this unknown and new virus, most of us have been inconvenienced and some touched, but the trauma lies with those whose loved ones died, or the frontline workers across the board who faced the fears every day. The trauma lies with those steeped in daily interaction and who lived with protocol and policy working hard to ensure safety and care of others. This steeping, like a tea bag in hot water, has got stronger as the time as passed and the boiling threshold of these workers is exhausted. They need a break and they need our support as they detangle from the shock and fear into the daily practices that will accompany our new normal. We will move forward from this. Like stones in a stream as the water of change rushes over, the raw and sharp edges will hone and be weathered to all that is put in place by the pandemic’s needs. Like a crying child, as the immediate needs are met, the long-term soothing of this pandemic will be with us for a long time.
We will change and morph, modify and struggle our way through. We will persevere and we will rise to the challenge because we are resilient. Some will live in the trauma longer than others because some have been touched more deeply than others. All lives are changed, each one in a different way. We all will process and move along. Some like lightening and some like slogging through molasses in January. Some will be struck, and some will prosper and grow from the change. Trauma touches each of us in its own way.
The good news is we will cope, and we will survive, and we will adapt. Change on a fundamental level is always at hand and our love for each other will take effect and out of this we will discover the silver lining. The blessed assurance, the only promise is that change will always come, and that is the only constant in life. The one place where we always have control is how we cope with change.
How do you deal with change? There are many stages, parts and pieces. Change stages can be learned, and one can prepare for weathering change no matter what it may be. How we cope, our attitude in life goes a long way. Counting blessings, being grateful and caring for people overall gives way to the very essence and the energetic shift. Change your mind about change, learn to appreciate and welcome it into your life. The good news is there is gratitude in our attitude.
Cynthia Breadner is a grief specialist, a soul care worker who offers one-on-one homecare for aging adults who choose to age in place. This care includes emotional support, physical care, mental well-being, and spiritual practices to sooth the soul. She is a volunteer at hospice, LTC chaplain and a death doula, assisting with end-of-life for client and family. She is the mother part of the #DanCynAdventures duo and practices fitness, health and wellness in the South Simcoe and North York region. [email protected] breakingstibah.com
